Not in the Way We Expected...

This is a memory from the past....5 1/2 years ago, to be exact.  But it illustrates how God's ways are not our ways.  AND YET, they are better because God loves us so much and wants the best for us -- even if we don't see it at the time.

It was July 2007.  My husband Steve wanted to retire early. We had been planning toward it most of our married life and it seemed that, by taking his pension and being frugal, our savings could support us for several years until he could get Social Security. We carefully mapped out a 30-year plan to make sure it would work, even if we lived to age 90, and we hoped to serve an LDS Mission as senior missionaries within a couple years.  The only hurdle we had to overcome was getting medical coverage, since Steve would be losing the coverage he had through his job.  He was 57.

It was a big decision, and we didn't take it lightly. We both fasted and prayed, several times over the course of several months and the decision to retire felt right to both of us.  I took out a private health insurance policy which Steve would be allowed join after a 9-month waiting period (due to a heart oblation surgery he had had the spring before). So with our plans in place we took the plunge.  He retired and we enjoyed a couple of wonderful months with time to do things we had been putting off -- being able to go camping in the middle of the week when there were no crowds, going to help our children when they moved or had a new baby, being able to help neighbors and friends as needed.

Then, just 3 months later, the bottom fell out of EVERYTHING!  The stock market took a drastic plunge and then fell, and fell and FELL down to a record low.  It was the Great Recession.  We lost half of our savings and couldn't afford to keep taking withdrawals.  We had to really cut back our expenditures and take on odd jobs wherever we could find them.  Our year supply of food really came in handy then!

When the 9-month medical waiting period was finally over, Steve went in to get a physical exam so he could be put on my medical insurance.  He was feeling fine. To our great surprise and horror, the doctors discovered that his heart had developed irregular beats, was slowing down as low as 30 bpm at night, and was stopping several times a day -- while Steve felt none of the symptoms. The sinus node in his heart (the battery-like portion that tells the heart to beat) was dying, quickly.

Surgery was scheduled to implant a pacemaker and defibrillator.  Steve was VERY reluctant to have the surgery done. He felt fine.  He couldn't believe there was anything major wrong with his heart since he couldn't feel the irregular beats or even the times it stopped.  He attributed the fall from his horse to other reasons.  It took both I and the doctor to convince him that pacemaker surgery needed to be done.  If not...the doctor said that one day Steve would go out to feed his horses, "and just wouldn't come back into the house."

Within just a few hours after the heart surgery, his defibrillator began going off.  Each time it was like being kicked in the chest by a horse, or suddenly whacked side the head by a 2x4.  The doctor explained that the defibrillator only goes off to save someone's life and shock their heart back into a regular rhythm. It had both of us scared. The doctor was able to give him some medicine that would "turn off his heart" a little to reduce the number of episodes but it wasn't enough.  In October 1998 Steve had an episode where the defibrillator went off 3 times in 5 minutes, each time throwing him to the ground.  Any one of the earlier episodes could have been his death, without the defibrillator but, if not, then the October episode definitely would have been his end.

After that the medicine was increased and changed to totally stop Steve's own heart from beating.  The pacemaker was the only thing keeping him alive. 

SO HOW WAS ALL THIS A BLESSING?  What about that answer we both got to our prayers about whether or not to retire early?

Steve berated himself often that he should have stayed working at his job.  But what if he hadn't retired?  I would have been a young widow.  Steve would NOT have gone to the doctor for that checkup because he didn't feel the need.  He would have stayed working until he died that summer.

Another blessing that came from it....because our children were grown, and I had more time, I did some investigation into medical studies about heart disease.  I discovered a group at the University of California in Berkeley doing studies on genetic heart disease.  Dr. Michael Zaragoza accepted our family as a case study.  Through my hobby in family history, I had come to realize there was a family trend for early heart disease deaths in his line.  In fact, all of Steve's maternal grandfathers had died at, or near, age 57 from "a bad heart."  But the disease was developing at younger ages in recent years (other than Steve).  His mother died at age 52.  His cousin died at age 45.  His 3 nephews died in their 30's.  Thanks to Dr. Zaragoza's research team, the gene was identified.  Everyone in the family, who wanted to be tested, was tested.  Now Dr Zaragoza's team is working on finding a cure....not just a "fix" but an actual cure.  It's amazing what can be done with genetic medicine now.  Soon we hope to have our family protected from any other sudden deaths due to heart disease.

We were blessed?  YES!  We went through bad times, but it was the best thing that could have happened for our family.   God loves us and was watching our for our family in ways we had not expected.